Safe Places And Survivors

The book The Courage To Heal keeps emphasizing how important it is to find a safe place. A place where you feel physically and mentally safe. A place that is comforting and loving. I am lucky enough to have a secret room in my house hidden behind a book shelf. It is the kind of thing every kid (and grown up) wants in their house. I have chosen it as my safe place. It is not somewhere my Beloved's would immediately come to look for me. The walls are covered in my Beloveds art work, reminding me what's important. I cuddle up in a mohair blanket that belonged to my grandmother which reminds me of her loving ways. All and all it's a pretty safe place to do my work.

Last week when I was writing about how I've always had imaginary friends to help me through the tough times, I remembered I used to play in my closet... a lot. I put a small table and chair in the back, my clothes up front and would hide there. It was my secret, safe place in a world of chaos.

Yesterday I went through my closet (which is a pretty decent sized walk in closet) and got rid of a bunch of clothes that no longer fit. Of course the bedroom started out clean, became a complete disaster, then ended up organized and tightie. It was only this morning that I realized I've been getting my jammies on in my closet at night. That I feel safe in my closet. That I wish I could bring a bean bag chair in there and read a book. I love my closet. My love for my closet has nothing to do with my clothes, they're just things. It has everything to do with it being a safe, secure place. It is truly the one place I feel like nothing bad can reach me.

This makes me wonder about other survivors safe places as children, and if they are still safe places as grown ups? See, I'm kind of ashamed to tell my Beloved's that Mommies hiding out in the closet because she's safe there. It seems to send the wrong kind of message, doesn't it?