Books

The Head Shrink suggested I get books called The Courage To Heal, along with the companion workbook. I happened to be in a larger city this weekend with the family, so decided to go into the bookstore rather than order them online. This seemed like a good idea at the time. My Beloved's love books, so they were happy showing their dad all the stuff they liked. They weren't the problem.

The problem was me. I didn't want anyone to know what kind of books I was buying. I couldn't find the section right away, so was kinda lurking in the psychology section. It was there my husband walked up, startling me. I felt like he was invading my space. My privacy. I didn't want him to see me in that section. He must have felt my apprehension because he left me alone soon enough.

I didn't have the author's name, so I found a computer to try and look up the information... only it was an employee only computer, and the employee caught me. So there I was.... being forced to share the title of the books.

I didn't want to say the titles of the books out loud, so I showed her the note book I had the tittles written down in. She repeated them out loud. I'm pretty sure I did a full body shutter.

She quickly found them and walked me over to the right section. I grabbed them from her and held them close to my body so no one could read the titles. The third book, Healing The Incest Wound: Adult Survivors in Therapy wasn't in stock. AWESOME.

She must have felt my discomfort, because she said, "We don't have the third book in stock. Would you like me to order it?" I shook my head yes with vigor and asked if she could just have it delivered to my house.

With that done I practically ran from her to a random section. I stumbled upon a fictional story about Queen Isoele. I think it will be a nice balance from these hard core sexual abuse books. So I grabbed it too.

At check out there was a bookmark that caught my eye. It looked like it had a Dragon on it. A recent trip to a Chinese restaurant taught me I was born in the year of the Dragon, and it's currently the Year of the Dragon. I know Dragons are powerful and courageous in the Asian culture so I grabbed it. It turns out the Dragon pendant also has the word COURAGE written on it. Fitting eh? The bright red cord of fire? Anger? Emotion? Which leads to the chinese character of what I'm not sure also seems appropriate somehow. I'm guessing the character is for Courage, but I've been wrong before.

So I've read the first few chapters in the Courage To Heal Books. I'll write about that in the next entry. A word of advice.... when needing a sensitive, personal book, just order the fricken thing online! It will save on embarrassment, shame, and panic attacks.