Darkest Before Pitch Black

The saying, "It's always darkest before pitch black" comes from a character in the Raiding Forces Series by Phil Ward, which are good WWII historical fiction books. In the past year I've thought I've hit pitch black, just to discover it can get blacker. This weekend, with my husband (we've been separated for 6 months) pitch dark got blacker.... there were several 5 gallon buckets of tears over 2 days. I would have to say though, this time it was different. We both admitted our faults, what we've done to contribute to the failure of our marriage. We've never attacked each other, quite the opposite, we just don't talk. About anything. Ever. Which has created a HUGE divide in the way we function. We have different reasons for acting this way, but we're both to blame. We've talked more in the last 2 days, then we've talked in months.

My husband admitted last night that he always viewed "our problems" as my fault, leaving him fault free to be irritated. He admitted to being immature and selfish in his ways and thinking. He finally reached the point where he will literally do anything to save our marriage.

When he looks at me, I see how much he loves me. I know he loves me.

I'm the kind of person that when I'm faced with a question, I grab a book. So deciding that this is the time for our marriage Hail Mary, I went kindle cruising for a book to help save my marriage. I decided on Fighting For My Marriage. This book caught my eye because it had 56 people give it 4 stars. So I read the first couple of pages. I liked the easy reading, the explanations, examples, and the fact all of their theories are based from real studies from around the world. They give detailed information regarding the studies in the back if you want to research the numbers.

After the Beloveds went to bed, I asked him if he'd be willing to read this book with me. He hates to read, so I could read it out loud. We could do a chapter a week. Discuss the chapters, what we agree with, disagree with, and what we're going to work on. To my surprise he instantly agreed. He also agreed that he would give church an honest try. That he would go with an open mind, which then we could discuss the ideas we agree and disagree with from church. To my astonishment, he agreed.... again.

I'm hoping that the marriage book, and developing some kind of faith will give us something to talk about. Opportunity to agree and disagree. I'm hoping that they will also give us a venue to forgive and grow, making our marriage better and stronger than it has ever been before.

Here's to Hope and surviving pitch black.