Me? Logical?

Today my best friend called to vent. At one point I said something, and her reply was, "You're so logical." If I'd had liquid in my mouth, I would have spit it out.

Me? Logical?

Did she know who she was talking to? Obviously not, because if she knew that I jump at every passing shadow, reflection, and that no matter what my surroundings are, I'm constantly figuring out, if I were to be ambushed by an attacker, where would it be? Where would he hide? How would I get away? I'm constantly locking all doors, driving my Beloveds crazy. As soon as all the car doors shut, I lock the doors. There is absolutely no where I feel safe. Take today for instance, I put the alarm system on chime, so if any doors or windows opened I would hear a little chime and a female computer voice would announce what had just opened.

Later, I opened the sliding glass door to get more wood for the fire. I came back inside, shut, and locked the sliding glass door. Then I heard the chime. My heart picked up. I started to panic. I decided in my terror I'd go see what door it was that opened. When I reached the alarm pad I felt stupid. It was the sliding glass door that I had gone through when getting wood. I set off the chime.

Trying to calm down I starting reading my latest book. Then the door bell rang. Oh shit, I thought. I walked slowly to the door debating the entire time on whether or not I should open it. I looked through the glass to see a little old lady. I looked beyond her. I didn't see anyone threatening lurking under a tree. I slowly opened the door. The little old lady was delivering Christmas cookies. Still I couldn't get the door shut on her fast enough.

So, I tried to relax again and read more of my book. When I start hearing "strange noises" at this point I know I'm loosing it. I keep reading my book. Then my whole body is covered in goosebumps and they will not go away.

This is when I hear my friends voice telling me I'm so logical. Yeah right, because it's perfectly logical to feel like you're about to be attacked at any moment. It's logical that I can't fly my American Flag because the movement makes shadows on my back porch, which constantly makes me jump thinking someone's out there.

Yeah. That's me. Captain Logical.