I've done art through out the years, so when I read about another PTSD survivor using art to help find release I decided to pick up an old drawing book. Am I an amazing artist? Nope. I do find what I draw an interesting look into who I am at that moment.
Above is my first drawing. When I got done I thought, I did a self portrait, then a little voice in my head said, it's a mask. You wear a strange mask.
The day I woke up with an elephant on my chest and the strong man from the circus choking me out due to a dream I can't remember I drew this....
I think it's a pretty good representation of the fractured chaos of my life. There are some bright spots, some dark spots, and some spots that commingle. Notice my environment is just as messed up? There are a few spots on my face I left white. Are those empty places? Or the illuminated places? Honestly, I really don't know. The fake smile shows I'm still trying to wear my mask, but am I being successful? I didn't draw hair on purpose, because I use hair to hide behind and in this picture I wanted to be exposed. I wanted all the nasty dark spots brought to light.
My husband has nonchalantly looked at my art, but has said nothing. In all fairness I haven't asked for anyones opinion on my art, after all it's much like this blog, a selfish part of me that is for me and not for anyone else. Still it makes me wonder if anyone else sees something I don't.
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