Fear.

I usually love books and book stores. The majority of the time they are my salvation. I turn to a good story to find escape from the stress of life. As you all know my therapist has given me some books to aid in my treatement. One book and workbook is called The Courage To Heal. If you've read most of my post you know I mention it in almost every one.

She gave me another book though. A book the invokes fear. It took me a week to take it out of it's mailing package when it arraived. Even though the book is only about 600 pages, I'd swear it weights more than a full grown elephant. The name of this book of fear? Healing The Incest Wound, Adult Survivors in Therapy. I think it's the word Incest that's getting to me. Incest has always meant sexual intercourse with a family member to me. Now I'm wondering if it really means sexual relationship with a family member. You can after all have a sexual relationship without actually experiencing penetration.

Why does this word make be flinch as if I've been struck every time I read it or hear it? I'm not sure. Maybe it's all my guilt and shame? Maybe he put the fear into me? I can't really say. I do know this book haunts me. I don't know if I'll every be strong enough to open it. To read it.